Most kids are equal parts Sophisticate and Innocent—except when they’re not. There are pristine moments when children seem completely, achingly unspoiled. Other times they appear as hard as slum lords. Been there, done that, hated it, bought the t-shirt just to be ironic. This can be awfully confusing for parents and other adults who care. And even more confusing for kids with a foot in both worlds.
Trying to protect the young from exposure to the world they live in is about as useful as putting a wetsuit on a dolphin. It’s too late; they’re already wet. What we can do is create the sort of consequential environments that help kids keep their heads above water.
Mostly adults fail to insulate kids from toxic influences—instead, we rescue them. We make it easy to engage in high-risk behaviors, then bail kids out so they don’t learn from the natural results of their mistakes and misdeeds. Life without consequences is confounding. When kids act out they get confused if there’s no equal and opposite reaction from the adults who care for them. If they don’t learn about cause and effect until something VERY BIG is at stake, the consequences can be crushing.
That’s why it’s so important to create an appropriately consequential environment for children; and I say create because it can’t be bought off-the-shelf—you have to cook it up at home from a family recipe. This requires thought and attention to minding the stove.
There are two kinds of consequences: Natural Consequences and Logical Consequences.
Natural Consequences flow directly out of the circumstances in a cause and effect relationship. Natural consequences are beautiful because you don’t have to think them up; they just are.
