Peter Block Talks with Jim Henderson + Jim Hancock About Crossing the Difference Divide

The stellar Peter Block met Jim Henderson and me to talk about crossing the difference divide, and why 3Practice Circles are important

If this piques your interest, check out our book, 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide on Amazon.

Are You in a Reading Group? (Have I got a book for you!)

Are you in a reading group? 

Do you wish you had a book about talking to ideological opponents without feeling obliged to agree? 

Consider 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide (click on the Kindle edition to read an excerpt).

Get in touch with me directly, and I’ll get a special price for your group.

Or, if you’d like to join a four-week conversation about the book with Jim Henderson and me, let us know and we’ll inform you about next 3Practice Book Club.

How the rules change is, honestly, surprising

If folks like each other, the rules change. Long before we met, Jim Henderson and I were learning — and trying to help others learn — to cross the the difference divide. In the 90s, EdgeTV was part of that for me  … as was Raising Adults … and a lot of behind-the-scenes work that you may or may not know I had anything to do with. Jim Henderson’s work on mapping a way across the difference divide includes Jim & Casper Go to Church and, like me, a lot of behind-the-scenes work. After I moved to Seattle, Jim + I got together on a feature-length documentary called No Joke — it’s the story of three people in Peoria, Illinois … a rabbi, an imam, and an honest-to-God evangelical preacher … who became fast friends (against all odds, really). That was 2016. No Joke confirmed some things we’d been working on in parallel for a long time. We call what we’re doing 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide. In a nutshell, the 3Practices are: I’ll be unusually interested in others I’ll stay in the room with difference I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst We started gathering folks who have good reasons to disagree with each other into 3Practice Circles. To our delight, people who were used to fighting like cats and dogs started learning to listen. They were still cats and dogs … they just found greater clarity when they did less growling and hissing. We tinkered and refined the 3Practices and the rules that make 3Practice Circles work. We led Face-to-Face Circles around Seattle, with occasional excursions for 3Practice Fishbowl Circles at gatherings of business, civic, and religious leaders. That was 2017 and 2018. We went public with an engagement initiated by the Office of the Chancellor of University of California, Merced (UC’s most diverse campus, we were told) … we trained 3Practice Circle Leaders in California’s Central Valley, initiated by the regional chapter of the American Leadership Forum … we wrote a book, 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide. That was 2019. In 2020, a few weeks before things got crazy, we led our first online 3Practice Zoom Circle because we had a hunch our future might be as much online as in real life … after all, for better and worse, the internet is where a lot of ideological opponents encounter each other. 3Practice Zoom Circles tested well — just as well as Face-to-Face Circles and event-based Fishbowl Circles — which is a good thing because, for the time being, it's online or nothing for this sort of interaction. And when we come out the other side, we’ll have three ways to experience 3Practice Circles! Before we entered the world of self-isolation and social distancing, we led two or three 3Practice Circles a month. Now we lead two or three 3Practice Zoom Circles a week. But that’s not enough. People who have a little time on their hands in these stay-at-home days have been raising their hands to say they want to learn how to lead 3Practice Circles in their spheres of influence. So, this fall we’re launching anoher online 3Practice Circle Leader Training. The training is in six 75-90-minute sessions over three weeks, followed by coaching and a practicum supervised by Jim Henderson and me. Brian McLaren says 3Practice Circle Leaders are midwives who help understanding to be born between people. I tell this story because: (for what I think are obvious reasons in these quarrelsome days) I want you to know about 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide I want you know about the book — a tight 106-page primer for people who won't accept bitterness as the new normal without a fight I hope maybe you or someone you know will think this sounds like what you’ve been wishing for: A way to serve the common good by helping neighbors reach across the fence to understand each other … they’ll still have fences — they’re not obliged to agree about everything — but maybe they can stop laying landmines and lobbing bombs at each other. So, there’s my story. If you like the sound of it, take whatever action makes sense to you. Drop me a note to ask me a question or let me know you’d like an invitation to a 3Practice Zoom Circle. If you can’t make the May 3Practice Circle Leader Training ... it starts next week, so … let me know if you’d like information about the next Circle Leader Training. Thanks for reading. And, if you can make the fall 2020 training, you can get all the details and register right here. Stay safe out there. Peace, Jim Hancock

Waking Up White in America | a 3Practice Circle

June 12, 2020 . A Circle of people, most of whom don’t know each other, gathered in a 3Practice Zoom Circle for a remarkable exchange on the question:

"Are there unearned privileges that come with waking up white in America?"

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About 3Practice Circles

The purpose of 3Practice Circles is to help us get clarity and, maybe, understanding about our ideological opponents. We use the 3Practices to explore the difference divide between us and our ideological opponents. The 3Practices
1. I’ll be unusually interested in others — this is about genuine curiosity 2. I’ll stay in the room with difference — this is a pledge to get in the room and do our best to stay in the room, even if we’re triggered 3. I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst — this is about replacing pretentious certainty with honest exploration A 3Practice Circle is not a discussion, debate, or dialog group … it’s a workout designed to prepare us for real-life encounters at home, school and work. Practicing the 3Practices exercises and strengthens emotional muscles that are underdeveloped or atrophied. We don’t often change anybody's mind in a 3Practice Circle. But we frequently influence people whose minds aren't already made up by giving them a chance to hear why we disagree. From there — with greater clarity and understanding — they can decide for themselves. The Rules  
Anyone can take up two minutes to share their opinion on the Framing Question — without interruption or dispute. Then, anyone in the Circle can take 20 seconds to ask a clarifying question that begins with the phrase “I’d be curious to know…” The person who started the round may take up to one minute responding to each clarifying question. The questioner may ask one followup question — beginning with "I’d be curious to know…" The 3Practice Circle Referee focuses the process on time, on topic, and civil. Each 3Practice Circle ends with Thank-yous to others who have been clear, open, generous, though-provoking, courageous, or otherwise 3Practicey.

Frenemies: A 3Practice Circle Do-Over

Late last week, we led a 3Practice Zoom Circle on the Framing Question: 

You Try Being President! Is it time to give Donald Trump a break?"

That’s a pretty emotional question. 

It's not unusual for ideological opponents to check in with each other after a 3Practice Circle to make sure the other person understood their intent. At Face-to-Face Circles, that check-in often happens in the room, immediately following the Circle. 

But what happens when one person is on the West Coast of the US and the other is in Australia. That's the situation Benjamin Ady found himself in after last Friday’s Circle. So, Benjamin picked up the phone and called Rob Smith to admit that maybe he didn’t follow through on Practice 3: I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst. 

Later, they got on a call with Jim Henderson to talk about what they learned in the conversation.

More at 3Practices.com

Kind words on Crossing the Difference

Kind words about 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide from my longtime Solana Beach, California friend, Mike Deal. Thanks Mike!

So enjoying this awesome little book. It’s not about winning, it’s not about being “right”, it’s not about changing opinions, it may not even be about finding common ground. In fact it might be about finding uncommon ground. 

I don’t know how it ends, but it’s got my feet to the fire.

There's lots more about the 3Practices at 3Practices.com. Browse around, see what you think.

3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide

On November 24, Brian McLaren met up with Jim Henderson and me for an online chat about crossing the difference divide. 

On November 27, our new book, 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide landed in paperback and digital tablet editions. 

Jim Henderson and I are awfully excited about this milestone in our rollout of the 3Practices.



3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide is for people who are sad, angry, and apprehensive about important relationships being sucked into the vortex of the difference divide. It’s a book for people who aren’t ready to accept this as our new normal — where we have no choice but to write off relationships that mean a great deal to us.

The 3Practices are a map across the difference divide.

 — Practice One: I’ll be Unusually Interested in others

 — Practice Two: I’ll stay in the room with difference

 — Practice Three: I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst.

This book shows how you can:

1. Create a safe space for learning the 3Practices.


2.  Teach a simple skill people can take home and apply immediately. 

There’s lots more coming in 2020, including events, 3Practice Referee Training Days, and a webcast series featuring the whole of our conversation with Brian McLaren, alongside our interactions on crossing the difference divide with Peter Block, Aneelah Afzali, Todd Hunter + Karla Stephenson, and Wm. Paul Young.  

For now, head on over to Amazon and pick up your copy of 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide!

Brian McLaren Talks with Jim Henderson + Jim Hancock About Crossing the Difference Divide

Brian McLaren met up online with Jim Henderson and me to talk about crossing the difference divide. Here’s a three-and-a-half-minute clip of our conversation, including Brian’s very kind words about our 3Practices project. Here’s a link to our new book, 3Practices for Crossing the Difference Divide.

There’s more on the 3Practices at 3Practices.com.