Monologue | Mango Sex

One of the nice things about being The Tiny Company Called Me is I get to make decisions I once upon a time had to negotiate with others when I was part of someone else's overhead. Of course this is also one of the challenges in being The Tiny Company Called Me, but that's another story.

Today I've decided to give away some stuff to my youth worker friends...at least the ones who use comedy, drama, and other kinds of storytelling to engage the people they're trying to help into adulthood.

First up, Mango Sex, a monologue about sexual responsibility. Normally, it costs two bucks, but you can download it free, complete with discussion questions.

If you're not a youth worker or storyteller, you might enjoy this piece anyway. It's mildly humorous and, who knows? maybe you know someone who would like it.

Jules, it should be noted, is a 15 year-old sophomore. Pity the fool who tries to date this girl.

JULES

OK, I don’t wanna get struck by lightning or anything but look: Do you seriously want me to believe God would make something as cool as sex and then tell people to stay away from it? I mean, really?

Because I find that hard to believe. I think that’s like God saying, “Don’t look at the mountains, don’t go in the ocean, don’t eat the apples.”

Oh, wait, I guess that’s the argument isn’t it; That whole apple thing. I don’t know where that comes from. Someone with an inappropriate love for apples I guess.

If I wrote it, it would be “don’t eat the mangoes.” You ever have a fresh ripe mango? I gotta tell you: if sex is better than that, don’t count on seeing much of me once I get started. I mean, please: mango sex? I don’t see why God wouldn’t want that for everyone.


On the other hand, I hear whispered references to people —parents mostly, but people my age too — who stop having sex. And usually the relationship doesn’t last long after that. At
least that’s true at my age. I get the feeling there are married people out there who just go without.

Which I find mind-boggling. That’s like living in a mango — what would that be? ranch? farm? orchard? Orchard: it would be a mango orchard. or would it be a grove? OK, for our purposes, it’s a grove. Giving up sex — once you have it, I mean — would be like living in a Mango grove and not eating mangoes. Why would a person do that? Because it was
just too good? “It’s just too much pleasure, I’m sorry I can’t take it any more. Enough with the mangoes morning, noon and night. Constantly mangoes! I’m fed up with the goodness! Bring me the arugula; I want a meal of kale; no, no — no mango for me; I’ll just have an
another helping of those turnips.”

Or nothing at all. Is that the alternative? Is good sex really good? and is no sex better than bad sex? I heard my uncle say there’s no such thing as bad sex. He calls himself a “serial monogamist.” I’m unclear what that means, but he’s never brought the same, uh, guest,
for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last time he came alone. I’m unclear what that means also.

Maybe people get discouraged because there’s something wrong with the sex they’re having; like, somehow, it’s not ripe yet. See, that’s interesting because I’ve only had ripe
mango. I have no idea how to buy a mango; someone else always does it. Maybe unripe mango is a deadly killer. Or maybe it makes your mouth go all puckery.

I mean, everyone likes to say puckery, but nobody really wants the experience, right?

I think I have to explore this ripe mango theory. “How will I know when the mango is ripe?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll know.”

Really? I don’t think so. I suspect there’s more to it than that. I mean, “We will serve no mango before its time,” right? Maybe that’s true. Maybe until it’s ripe, mango is just
a pithy, puckery piece of fruit. Maybe it didn’t even get the name mango until somebody learned the art of telling when it’s ready to eat.

And maybe sex is like that. “We will have no sex before its time.” It has a ring to it.

I have a feeling the stakes are higher than choosing a ripe mango. Pick the wrong mango and what have you lost, really…

That’s not the impression I have from people who chose the wrong sex partner. I think I have more research to do. Meanwhile, I find myself with a powerful craving for…mango. Imagine that.

And that's Mango Sex. You can download it free, complete with discussion questions. Before long I'll post another monologue called Coming Clean.