VOTE THE BEAT

A Nation of Voters | November 6, 2018

Geo. Washington’s Letter to Jews in Newport R.I.

Excerpts from President George Washington’s August 1790 letter to Jewish leaders in Newport, Rhode Island

The citizens of the United States of America have a right to applaud themselves for having given to mankind examples of an enlarged and liberal policy—a policy worthy of imitation. All possess alike liberty of conscience and immunities of citizenship.

It is now no more that toleration is spoken of as if it were the indulgence of one class of people that another enjoyed the exercise of their inherent natural rights, for, happily, the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens in giving it on all occasions their effectual support.

.... 

May the children of the stock of Abraham who dwell in this land continue to merit and enjoy the good will of the other inhabitants—while every one shall sit in safety under his own vine and fig tree and there shall be none to make him afraid.

May the father of all mercies scatter light, and not darkness, upon our paths, and make us all in our several vocations useful here, and in His own due time and way everlastingly happy.

G. Washington

Bullies don’t work alone.

Imagine there was a bully at your school who was surrounded by flunkies who harassed and hounded the bully’s targets, and egged him on, and told baldfaced lies to cover for him.

Next, imagine you had the power to turn the flunkies into homeschoolers, just like that. And just like that, the bully was left to fend for himself....

OK?

Now, imagine there’s a bully in the White House ... and imagine the White House bully is surrounded by flunkies who do what he says, and egg him on, and cover for him the way flunkies do.

And imagine you have the power to send the flunkies home ... so, just like that, the bully is left to fend for himself....

We have that power.

Send the flunkies home. November 6 2018.

Sudden Onset Male Gender Dysphoria | A Story

“I look in the mirror and just hate what I see.”

Early that Fall, there was a run on thrift stores.

It seemed to spread from high school boys and young men to their older brothers, uncles, dads, and grandfathers… but it happened fast, so who really knows….

What it was was all sorts of men all of a sudden buying and wearing clothing and accessories they found in the women’s section in places like Goodwill and Salvation Army. A scarf, a brooch, a hat, a skirt, a full ensemble ...  more Annie Hall than RuPaul in most instances, but always, always sober; always respectful.

As it gained velocity, preachers — ever hungry for sermon spice — swallowed half-digested news reports and social media overreactions, then spit them back out as culture war battle cries. (Though not all … in one congregation, when the head usher — and chairman of the board — showed up in a plaid skirt and navy blazer to honor his granddaughter one Sunday morning, the minister is said to have cut a couple of paragraphs from his homily on the fly.)

A bro clothing company rolled out a line of Toxic(TM) Brand wife beaters. The gag was met with eye-rolling and wisecracks, or simply ignored. In the end, more bros bought the undershirts than actually wore them. 

What caught many observers by surprise was the clarity with which so many men described their choice.

“It was my wife’s,” an old man said, his fingers rising to touch a sparkly brooch at his lapel. “She was molested by her grandfather — for years. After he died, people in the family said they knew something was up… but did they say anything at the time? No they did not. He was respected in the community. People looked the other way while he was violating a child. Now I’m saying something. The coverup is over.”

“I’m sick of it,” said a man with a flowered scarf. “I’m sick of men expecting women to kowtow. I’m sick of men expecting deference from women, and then playing the whiney victim when that’s questioned. There is no male prerogative to treat people that way. The clock is winding down on every institution that supports that.”

“Look, I’m not ashamed to be a man,” a guy in a pleated skirt told his friends. "What I’m ashamed of is that I accepted toxic masculinity as a substitute for manhood. So that’s on me, and I’m done with it,” he said, "I’ve started making amends."

A man wearing a small Ellen James Society button his daughter helped him find on Etsy, said, “I look in the mirror and just hate what I see. I look in the mirror and the jowly man looking back is my father. 

“I was in my 30s before I understood how badly he treated women — I mean, I should have seen it, but I didn’t. I went along with his whole shtick — the whole ‘Women! Am I right boys?’ 

"One day, I thought about the women I’ve known, and the women I know… and I realized, ‘No, Dad, you’re not right ... you were never right about this.

“I mean, I guess I could blame his parents for raising him to raise me so poorly... But I bought the whole thing — at first because he was my father, and then because, you know, privilege is not having to mind ... not needing to even think about things unprivileged human beings have to think about every day, all day, because they’ve learned what not paying attention can cost them. 

‘So, no, Dad. I may look like you now, but I’m not you … not anymore. And I will never again treat women and girls the way you taught me, by example. This little button I’m wearing is a down payment on the debt I owe the women in my life.”

Whatever it was, the impulse peaked on Halloween, at workplaces and after-hours parties all over North America where men wore something that signified their pledge to stand alongside women and girls, and all sorts of marginalized people.

The peak came on Halloween, but not the end … because, a few days later, they went out and voted. 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Polls

In August of 1972, I was so angry, troubled, and alarmed about the policies of my government that I traveled hundreds of miles, slept outdoors, tried and failed to hold my breath through clouds of tear gas, and was very nearly arrested, while protesting at the Republican National Convention in Miami. 

Three months later, in November, I did not vote. 

I had just moved ... I was unclear on voter registration requirements, and ... blah, blah, blah.... Excuses, all of it.

It turned out I was right about the corruption of Richard Nixon and the cynics who enabled him, seeking power and profit at the expense of poorer, less educated, more vulnerable people. 

I had good reasons to be angry, and troubled and alarmed. I had good reasons to push through the tear gas and resist those people and their abuses of power.

I had good reasons to vote.

I’m pretty sure I was smart enough, even without the internet,  to get all that sorted in a timely manner. As a freshman, I managed to stand on line for hours to get into college classes I wanted. As a sophomore, I managed to talk my way into a new college a week after classes began. But, as a junior, after the tear gas and drama of public protest, somehow I didn’t manage to hit the voter registration deadline

Those days in Miami stand out as my most memorable days of protest against injustice and corruption. But my most meaningful days of protest — of positive action in the cause of liberty and justice for all — are the days when I registered to vote in each state where I lived after 1972 — Georgia, Colorado, California, back to Colorado, California again, and Washington — and the days when I’ve voted in local, state, and national elections.

This is important in September, 2018 when many of us still have a few days left to register. 

I would face tear gas again. I’ll never again face a fellow citizen, or someone who wished she could be a U.S. citizen, and say my voice didn’t matter enough to solve whatever puzzles I had to solve in order register and vote.

Are you registered to vote at your current residence? You can register here https://buff.ly/2Nobpud

Not sure? You can check here: https://www.nonprofitvote.org/voting-in-your-state/

Editing Jesus | Matthew 5:38-39

Editing Jesus | Matthew 5:40-48

 

separating displaced children from their parents

“In 2018, can we not as a nation find a kinder, more compassionate and more moral answer to this current crisis? I, for one, believe we can.”

Former First Lady Laura Bush

On contemporary white Evangelical thought

I keep stumbling on passages that stand in the face of contemporary white Evangelical thought — like this today, from William Barclay’s commentary on 1 Peter 4:

...again and again in the New Testament the duty of hospitality is pressed upon the Christians. The Christian is to be given to hospitality (Rom.12:13). A bishop is to be given to hospitality (1Tim.3:2);  the widows of the Church must have lodged strangers  (1Tim.5:10). The Christian must not forget to entertain strangers and must remember  that some who have done so have entertained angels unawares. (Heb.13:2). The bishop must be a lover of hospitality (Tit.1:8). And it is ever to be remembered that it was said to those on the right hand: “I was a stranger, and you welcomed me” while the condemnation of those on the left hand was: “I was a stranger, and you did not welcome me” (Matt.25:35,43).

From that, how did we come to this....

sticks + stones

Where are all the Promise Keepers?

The company I worked for in the 1990s made dozens of movies for Promise Keepers. I interviewed dozens and dozens of you guys from coast to coast. I stood next to you — tens of thousands at a time — at stadium events all over the U.S. 

You made commitments to stand with your brown skinned brothers no matter what. 

So... where are you now?

You made commitments to stand with your spouses, and sisters, and mothers, and daughters, no matter what?

Where are you now?

You made those commitments in the name of Jesus....

What can we expect from you? 

Where are you now?

A Recap of What We’ve Learned About School Shooters + a Few Real World Suggestions

The picture of lethal violence among American adolescents is never more sobering than the morning after an event like the one that took place in Texas last Friday. The details of that story are yet to be revealed so there’s little to be said today about what led up that fateful incident.

In a bigger picture, the U. S. Secret Service and the U.S. Department of Education conducted an exhaustive study of school shootings from 1974 - 2000. [1] Here are some of their findings: 

• Targeted school violence is rarely as sudden and impulsive as it appears.  

— About half of attackers develop the idea for at least a month.

— Most prepare their attack for at least two days.

• Few attackers are loners or losers. 

— Most appear to be mainstream kids. 

— Most live in two-parent homes. 

— Most are doing reasonably well in school. 

— Few have been in serious trouble at school. 

— Few have histories of violence toward others or cruelty to animals. 

— Many are involved in organized social groups in or out of school. 

— Nearly all act alone, but most have close friends.

• Almost all attackers engage in behavior that signals a need for help. — Most tell at least one peer what they’re thinking about. 

— In most cases at least one adult is concerned by pre-attack behavior. — About 60% display interest in violent media or personal writings.

• More than half of attackers are motivated by revenge.

— Most feel bullied, threatened, attacked, or injured by others. 

— More than half target one or more adults employed by the school. 

— Two-thirds tell someone about their grievance before the attack. 

— Less than one in five threatens his target(s) directly.

• Most attackers are sad before they’re angry. 

— Nearly 2/3 have a documented history of depression or desperation. 

— More than three-quarters have a history of suicidal expressions. 

— Almost all experience or perceive a significant loss prior to the attack. 

— Most exhibit considerable difficulty coping with that loss.

• Nearly all attackers use guns. 

— Handguns are most common, followed by rifles and shotguns.

— Nearly half carry more than one weapon into the attack.

— 68% of the guns are acquired at home or at the home of a relative.

Here’s the thing: If you’re looking for obvious patterns to help you spot kids who are likely to take guns to school with the intent to harm themselves or others, there is none. 

The Secret Service/Department of Education report concludes, “There is no accurate or useful ‘profile’ of students who engaged in targeted school violence.”

By no accurate or useful ‘profile’ they mean simply that adolescent school shooters are typically Caucasian male students who struggle with a self-defined loss and have relatively easy access to a firearm. 

Which means we need to keep an eye on roughly one in three American high school kids? Not very helpful... 

But it is what it is — both simpler and more complicated than almost anyone is prepared to accept: 

Preventing lethal adolescent violence depends on sustained, attentive relationships with ordinary schoolboys. 

This is quite simple because these guys are in constant contact with adults and peers who have a pretty good chance at reading the signals of potential violence.

And it’s complicated because sustained, attentive relationships require taking time for deep listening against the backdrop of observable behavior. 

It’s also complicated because it means taking the risk of thinking the unthinkable and speaking the unspeakable.

No one wants to think her son is capable of harming himself or others. But he may be. No one enjoys the prospect of asking her student if he’s having thoughts about suicide, or asking a youth group kid if he’s thinking about taking revenge on someone who caused him harm. But that’s what we have to do, want to or not.

Some practical suggestions:

Secure your guns

In 2017, 15,618 individuals died from firearm injuries in the United States—the death toll more than doubles if we include suicides.[2] Homes with guns are nearly five times more likely to experience suicide than homes without guns.[3] 68% of school shooters from 1974 through Columbine got their weapons at home from from the home of a relative.[1] 

This is not a Constitutional crisis — it’s due diligence. If you own guns, secure them and tell your relatives you expect them to do the same.[4]

Don’t frustrate kids needlessly 

Parents, teachers, coaches, employers, youth workers: consider this ancient wisdom: “…don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits” (Colossians 3:21, The Message). 

Perhaps the most common way adults come down too hard on kids is expecting more than an individual child can deliver at his or her stage of life. 

No matter how intelligent or accomplished he is, a teenaged boy is still a boy; relatively inexperienced, and subject to tidal surges of emotion; not yet fully mature in reasoning and judgment. Instead of coming down hard when a kid fails to live up to adult performance standards, bend down a little and meet him where he is. 

Remember 

On our best days, we know what our children feel because we once felt it ourselves in a life that may seem long ago and far away but which nonetheless connects us to our children and each other. 

Remembering requires periodic trips through emotional neighborhoods many of us would just as soon not revisit. But it’s worth the journey because that kind of remembering helps us identify with an adolescent’s feelings and frame them in a larger context (all without diminishing the immediate circumstances and responsibilities). Sometimes that means holding a kid’s feet to the fire; other times it means knowing when to let up and show some mercy.

Look for signs of depression, desperation, and suicide 

Overall, adolescents stand a greater chance of dying by suicide than murder and a much greater chance of ending their own lives than ending the lives of others. None of us wishes to lose a child either way. 

This post is based on a chapter of a book I wrote with Rich Van Pelt called The Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis. The Parent’s Guide includes chapters on dealing with Anger, Bullying, Death, Divorce, Hazing, Sexual Abuse, and Sexual Identity Crises — any of which may contribute to the possibility that a depressed or desperate young man may be a danger to himself or to others.

Pay attention to self-expression

Over a third of targeted school attackers have expressed themselves in violent writings — poems, essays, or journal entries — prior to their attacks. That’s three times as many as those who expressed interest in violent video games and half again as many as expressed interest in violent movies and books.[1] 

Creative writers shouldn’t be punished for creativity; writers should be able to discuss what they’ve written in age-appropriate literary terms. Trust your senses. If what a kid says about what he wrote (or drew or sang or painted) doesn’t pass the smell test, get help to sort it out sooner rather than later.

Create safe places

Kids need sanctuaries where they can vent and grieve and gain perspective without having to endure moralizing sermons. Do everything you can to create safe places where kids you care about are immune from physical, emotional and spiritual danger, judgment, and inhumanity.

I don’t think it’s too much to expect that safety should the norm among the adult and peer friendships, extended families, schools, workplaces and youth groups inhabited by our children. 

I don’t think that's too much to expect, but here in the real world we have to work hard and tirelessly to produce and sustain safe environments for our children. Mostly we seem to get that done a little at a time over a period of years. That’s fine…whatever it takes, for as long as it takes.

[Hint: If your child sees you enduring a relationship where you’re not safe — with a family member, "friend," spouse or romantic partner, neighbor, or church leader — chances are your child feels unsafe as well.

Keep checking in

You can’t know if your son is depressed or desperate about a real or perceived loss or injustice if you go for days at a time without meaningful contact. And that’s hard — everyone is busy and stressed and fatigued. 

Do it anyway. If you can’t come up with anything else, if you’re fortunate enough to have a dishwasher, disconnect it and get your son to dry while you wash. Talk about your day and ask honest, open-ended questions about his day. Do that enough days in a row, and he’ll start to believe you want an honest answer when you ask how things are going. Di whatever it takes to stay in touch.

Build Alliances with other adults

It takes a village. Shut up; it does.

It takes more than one or two adults to bring a child to adulthood. If you don’t have partners and collaborators, this will be much harder than it has to be; much harder than it should be. 

Find trustworthy people who agree with you about this and build mutually beneficial alliances to support each other for the wellbeing of your kids.

[1] B. Vossekuil, R. Fein, M. Reddy, R. Borum, and W. Modzeleski, The Final Report and Findings of the Safe School Initiative: Implications for the Prevention of School Attacks in the United States. U.S. Department of Education, Office of Elementary and Secondary Education, Safe and Drug-Free Schools Program and U.S. Secret Service, National Threat Assessment Center, Washington DC, 2002, http://www.secretservice.gov/ntac/ssi_final_report.pdf (accessed 20 May, 2018).

[2] http://www.gunviolencearchive.org/past-tolls.

[3] J. Doan, S. Roggenbaum, & K. Lazear. (2003). Youth suicide prevention schoolbased guide(c/p/r/s)—True/False 1: Information dissemination in schools—The Facts about Adolescent Suicide. Tampa, FL: Department of Child and Family Studies, Division of State and Local Support, Louis de la Parte Florida Mental Health Institute, University of South Florida. (FMHI Series Publication #219-1t), http://theguide.fmhi.usf.edu/pdf/True-false.pdf (accessed 20 May 2018).

[4] …And think very seriously about voting for candidates ready to resist the gun cartel and take common sense measures to secure "our guns" collectively. Again: not a constitutional crisis.This is about gun safety for the common good.

Also, see Crisis HelpSheets for Youth Workers, especially Rage, Bullying | Aggressor, Bullying | Target, and Suicide + Homicide Threat