“I look in the mirror and just hate what I see.”
Early that Fall, there was a run on thrift stores.
It seemed to spread from high school boys and young men to their older brothers, uncles, dads, and grandfathers… but it happened fast, so who really knows….
What it was was all sorts of men all of a sudden buying and wearing clothing and accessories they found in the women’s section in places like Goodwill and Salvation Army. A scarf, a brooch, a hat, a skirt, a full ensemble ... more Annie Hall than RuPaul in most instances, but always, always sober; always respectful.
As it gained velocity, preachers — ever hungry for sermon spice — swallowed half-digested news reports and social media overreactions, then spit them back out as culture war battle cries. (Though not all … in one congregation, when the head usher — and chairman of the board — showed up in a plaid skirt and navy blazer to honor his granddaughter one Sunday morning, the minister is said to have cut a couple of paragraphs from his homily on the fly.)
A bro clothing company rolled out a line of Toxic(TM) Brand wife beaters. The gag was met with eye-rolling and wisecracks, or simply ignored. In the end, more bros bought the undershirts than actually wore them.
What caught many observers by surprise was the clarity with which so many men described their choice.
“It was my wife’s,” an old man said, his fingers rising to touch a sparkly brooch at his lapel. “She was molested by her grandfather — for years. After he died, people in the family said they knew something was up… but did they say anything at the time? No they did not. He was respected in the community. People looked the other way while he was violating a child. Now I’m saying something. The coverup is over.”
“I’m sick of it,” said a man with a flowered scarf. “I’m sick of men expecting women to kowtow. I’m sick of men expecting deference from women, and then playing the whiney victim when that’s questioned. There is no male prerogative to treat people that way. The clock is winding down on every institution that supports that.”
“Look, I’m not ashamed to be a man,” a guy in a pleated skirt told his friends. "What I’m ashamed of is that I accepted toxic masculinity as a substitute for manhood. So that’s on me, and I’m done with it,” he said, "I’ve started making amends."
A man wearing a small Ellen James Society button his daughter helped him find on Etsy, said, “I look in the mirror and just hate what I see. I look in the mirror and the jowly man looking back is my father.
“I was in my 30s before I understood how badly he treated women — I mean, I should have seen it, but I didn’t. I went along with his whole shtick — the whole ‘Women! Am I right boys?’
"One day, I thought about the women I’ve known, and the women I know… and I realized, ‘No, Dad, you’re not right ... you were never right about this.
“I mean, I guess I could blame his parents for raising him to raise me so poorly... But I bought the whole thing — at first because he was my father, and then because, you know, privilege is not having to mind ... not needing to even think about things unprivileged human beings have to think about every day, all day, because they’ve learned what not paying attention can cost them.
‘So, no, Dad. I may look like you now, but I’m not you … not anymore. And I will never again treat women and girls the way you taught me, by example. This little button I’m wearing is a down payment on the debt I owe the women in my life.”
Whatever it was, the impulse peaked on Halloween, at workplaces and after-hours parties all over North America where men wore something that signified their pledge to stand alongside women and girls, and all sorts of marginalized people.
The peak came on Halloween, but not the end … because, a few days later, they went out and voted.
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