Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't
do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do
you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said,
"A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He
said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said,
"Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern
Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too!
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern
Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern
Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"
Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of
1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region
Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist
Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And
I pushed him over.
— Emo Philips, The Guardian 29 September, 2005
You know, this is actually my favorite joke. I heard it on a variety tv show in the early 80's. I never tell it because it is too complicated and I screw it up. But it is my favorite.
ReplyDeletehere's another Emo joke I like: “When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised, the Lord doesn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me ... and I got it!”
ReplyDeleteI think there's room in the kingdom for "heretics" like you.
ReplyDeleteI guess it takes one. . .