I haven't written about my new friend Wendy because...I haven't written about her. Our meeting and subsequent email exchanges were private and too specific to generalize as "a friend." Rich Van Pelt and I had a wonderful hour of conversation with Wendy in Sacramento a couple of months ago, four weeks after she was displaced by hurricane Katrina.
Wendy is an interesting woman — a youth worker who grew up Presbyterian, studied at a Lutheran college and went to work for an Episcopal parish in New Orleans. The floods devastated Wendy's life. The hand-patting disregard she suffered at the hands of distracted Christian people in the first weeks after the storms bewildered her. She didn't say it this way but some stories Wendy told us reminded me uncomfortably of the warning the biblical writer James gave:
What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
Wendy was unceremoniously evicted from her damaged apartment in New Orleans with five days notice. Friends salvaged what they could of her belongings.
Wendy is staying with a family from her church while she waits for a FEMA trailer. Wednesday, Wendy is having an unexpected surgical procedure — her parents joined her today from Sacramento.
None of which has much to do with why I'm writing about my new friend Wendy. I'm writing now because she asked a question I couldn't answer very well.
Wendy: I have a question for you. At the convention, 7 different people offered to help us in various ways. Several said they wanted their church to "partner with us" for the rebuild, or come out next summer to help, or send bibles, etc. To date though, even though I have contacted them by email and they had my information, only one has actively offered anything or even replied to me. Is this normal, or should I be trying to go after them a little harder?
Me: well, i hardly know what to say. sometimes folks offer things they can't deliver. then they're embarrassed and withdraw because they don't know how to say, "I spoke too soon."
i'm really sorry about that...
i'd say send an email and give them the chance to opt out by asking if they'd rather not hear from you further -- something with that meaning but in your words. in that same email ask them to reply to your email if they would like an update on what's happening with you. i think you get a restart with those who respond. scratch the rest. if they contact you later, you can be pleasantly surprised...
with your permission, i'll post about this on my personal blog -- just to see if it stirs up a little conversation. is that ok by you?
Wendy: sure! That would be great. That is good advice too. I will give it a try and see what happens.
So here I am. Asking what it means when people say they'll help but don't? And what to tell the folks who are waiting? Anyone?
hey jim/wendy,
ReplyDeletemy take is that 'this is christmas season' they are busy with productions and promos for their big christmas plays.
summer is mission season - you need to put the needs of your community on hold until they get to the part of their faith that they've slotted in the calendar to be missionaries...
sorry to be so cynical, but we just got off the merry go round, and that was literally what it was like. if you were closer they would make sure you had a thanksgiving/christmas basket, but this season is filled with CHRISTMAS, not with helping out real people.
the machine that has been created has become a behemoth and it must be served. it's not that their hearts are bad or evil - they are just so very busy maintaining the machine.
it would be great if i could do more than just judge and talk, i can't. removing yourself from the machine leaves you very resourceless, and it's a frustrating place to be.
i know that squeaky wheel is necessary in these kinds of situations, you've probably just fallen off their radar screens, and they would actually appreciate your 'squeaking'to remind them of a commitment they made.
youth ministry attracts the a.d.d. stricken in record numbers - so a lot of the commitments made were made with good intentions, they have just fallen by the wayside because the reminders of the news and pleas for help have subsided.
some may have made offers like 'be warmed and be filled' to glad hand you and pass you by, but i pray that is not true. as jim said put yourself in front of them (i think in paper and virtually because paper can be forwarded to the people who make the financial decisions and virtually so it doesn't fall under a stack in their office - even ask them to star your email if they think it's important).
be honest, ask for what you need, be specific and then be give them permission to say no, if they can't/won't help ask them to tell you. give them the 'well it won't fit into our budget' or 'we were really thinking of painting another fence in mexico this year' outs, giving you some direction. information is power.
oh, and you might want to wait until after christmas, you know they have all of those programs and things...